Broken reflections of self. Shadows and demons meet in the deepest void. Attention. Meet your demons, befriend them, otherwise they might bite off your neck and chew on your eyeballs for desert. Graphic images. Hyper-madness zone. Blood dripping words.
September 2023
Special weekend. Atlas Mountains. Underground cities. Past lives. Atlantis. I remembered my death. Stabbed in the left shoulder. Close to my heart. Choking on my own blood. They killed me for it. I didn’t drown. I was killed before the great flood. Death. Blood. They are after me. They’ve been after me for centuries. I know what they want. But I won’t give it to them this time. It’s been going on for many lifetimes now. I keep coming back for the same thing. Re-incarnated again to see it through. I am seeing through. Fuck. That knife was sharp. I can feel the pain still. Birth trauma. Left arm. I understand now. I brought it here with me. What a weekend. Guardians full on duty. Maya is so special. Damn. I really made fun didn’t I. What’s next?
December 2023
They came back as wolves. I wonder what they want this time. Another death perhaps? Lived it again. She was buried alive. How many deaths will I keep reliving? I wonder. Am I calling it upon myself? I am enjoying it somehow. Traveling between realms. Meeting myself across dimensions. Reliving my deaths. Fantasizing about the next one. I think I have lost it. I am loving it. What does death want from me?
April 2020
God is not dead. Humanity is. God is more alive than ever. He is watching and taking notes. Ice cream anyone?
April 2020
I think God just killed himself.
November 2022
Scorpio season. November gloomy days. Raining through the abyss of my soul. I hate myself. I just wanna be gone. Gone to where rainbows meet unicorns. Dreamland. Blood is all I see when I close my eyes. I can’t sleep. All I want to do is sleep.
November 2022
It’s bitter sweet. Amere. Dry. Cold. Dark. Very dark. And sometimes, you would see sparks of rainbow and think oh shit I am going to make it after all. And then the void. The abyss. The dark cloud comes back. She’s here to take you home. Home to the deep ends of yourself. Blood bath shining through the dark void. Void. Nothingness. Abyss. Who switched off the lights? Funny isn’t it. Your shadow’s been consuming it all your life, yet you gotta pay for it. Where do we draw the line? Boundaries. Guess I never learned how to draw them. Drawing was never really my thing after all. I prefer writing.
September 2023
I am dying. It seems like she’s been buried alive. This is why my arm is hurting so much. This is the second death I relive. Atlantis. Stabbed through the shoulder. That fucking hurts. Living it again hurts even more. Lying on the living room floor. Autumn equinox. Underground cities. Mount Shasta crew holding forth for us. Atlas Mountains shaken to the core. Maya holds the key. We can’t let her die. I remember everything. I see it all. I live and relive it all. Again and again. The images. The feelings. The deaths. No wonder I have been fantasising about it. It’s such a sweet feeling. Dissolving into nothingness again. Deliverance.
January 2024
Do we ever become fearless or simply learn to live with fear?
February 2024
She turns chaos into art. She’s been MIA. Doing her thing. Going places within herself. She’s been traveling. Traveling across dimensions within. Wish I was on a plane right now. A plane to where? Everywhere. Nowhere. I have been having so much fun. Exploring. Experiencing. Expanding. I don’t have much to say really.
December 2023
She killed herself.
She broke my heart.
She died in my arms.
I think I killed her. Or did she kill herself?
She spent the whole day in bed. She’s not feeling well she said. She was drifiting away. Awake and then gone again. Her fake birth date is almost here.
August 2023
Some people are and others aren’t. What’s the key? What’s a key? Lucid dreams. I am aware that I am dreaming. How do I shape my dream? Can I even? Free will. Free will is an illusion. A dream we dream into illusions. Dreams dream illusion too. Can you even?